PROCRASTINATION VS. PATIENCE

It’s been a long time coming for me to be able to write again. Most of the content that I have, I usually kept to myself i.e., journals, a hidden abyss of “started” but unpublished blogs and a couple of scribbles here and there. After a while, I just stopped planning and told myself “if it’s supposed to happen, it will”. Straight up in denial, continuously blocking the blessings. I loved every bit of my ability but when it came to actually sharing, nah, not happening. So I put it off. Then, out of nowhere, there goes the “creative wave” we all see approaching but may be hesitant to ride. In the back of my mind I could hear that little voice, “Not me! Fuck that! Immerse yourself in that shit! Get something going! This is your chance. Go get that domain registered. Get ready to rebrand yourself. Sike. Just kidding your shit aint that fire”. Shit. Maybe we should just go back to the drawing board. **DEEP SIGH**

This is the last time. Waves don’t die; you’re guaranteed to get another, but how long will you wait until you learn to master it and all of its challenges?

Things change, this is our chance to change with it. When you feel your passion begin to take over your being to the point that you can’t sleep, you ignore eating, you think about it at work; take advantage of the moment. Immerse yourself in that. At this point you have a decision to make. Either you’re going to do it, or you’re not. There’s things in this life that are meant for us. Things that we are to be patient for, we can put it off as long as we can, but in the end you’ll have to look back. Did you do exactly what you wanted to? Did you put energy into the world that will outlast you? 

I’ve been in the Navy for 11 years, I’ve had experiences that others will never have and its part of my duty as a human being to share with the next generation; hand out those gems. One of the things that I found myself telling younger Sailors when they’d seek mentorship is, “if you want to get out, do it. Don’t be afraid of what other people are going to say. This shit is all about retention, your value is only high if you can continue putting on that uniform and performing the way this organization wants you to. What do you want out of life? To do something because you’re good at it? Or live a life where you do exactly what YOU want everyday?” Now this is just a brief summary of what I’d tell them, of course we’d get deeper into it, but after each conversation i’d feel there was a void. It was guilt. I felt guilty for telling them this because I knew I wasn’t doing what I TRULY LOVE. Now, hundreds of pages turned, inked and lost, several books read and the abyss of domains growing stale, here we are. Living in truth. I decided on that wave (or maybe I was pushed, important thing is I survived damnit!).

It’s not because we’re “well rounded procrastinators” or that we’re just being patient. Those are the lies that we tell ourselves because we’re scared. Terrified of just how dope we are, terrified of the outcome because we have no idea to see that far. At the most basic level, we have to realize that we all just want to be accepted. By those closest to us and even by ones we don’t know. I don’t think there’s many people on this earth who wake up and say “I feel like getting disrespected today!” We all have fragile egos when we begin our journey of our passions, but trying to protect ourselves from what we cannot control is even more damaging. It keeps us from who we really are; unlock your mind and go get your shit. Unmask your ego and stop fucking yourself.